I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
