he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
