Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
