I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
and you fell through a lawn chair
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
