Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
