i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish you could order shots online.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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