So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I want a musical about memes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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