Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
