I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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