I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
