I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
