am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
