So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
