I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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