I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
