saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
