He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
