She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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