I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
