This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
