Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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