I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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