youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
