Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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