literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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