remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
