After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
