Whod you bang
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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