I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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