Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
