all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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