Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
