first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she smelled like a LAN party
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
