apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
