Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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