I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
