when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
