Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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