that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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