fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My penis needs a shock collar
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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