I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
