the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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