I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
