So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
