I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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