Don't you send me to vm
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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