absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
