I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
