So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
