eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
