I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
