you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
