hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
