i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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