Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just cropdusted the office
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
