overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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