So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
