i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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