if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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