If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
