Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
