I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
