The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
