Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
