she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
