I love black thongs
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
