I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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