You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
