it wasn't lemon gatorade
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
