My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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