have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
