my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
