just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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