Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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