this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
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I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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