So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
