Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
