I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
