I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
