matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
