My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
