he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
